Rules
by Indigo-Night-Wisp
Summary: Based on Pika-la-Cynique's fancomic "Girls Next Door." When Sarah once again makes a wish she shouldn't have, she realizes just how "fair" the rules of the Labyrinth really are.


**Disclaimer: I don't own the movie, I don't own the characters… heck, I don't even own the continuity in which this takes place-which is sad, 'cause it's brilliant.**

**A/N: My first Labyrinth. And it's not even proper Laby, 'cause it's based off a fancomic by the marvelous Pika-la-Cynique. She's kinda freakin' awesome, I love her work, and her J/S is exactly as I like it. So if you enjoy "Girls Next Door" on Deviantart, let's see if I can capture everyone as they deserve, yeah?**

* * *

><p>He'd done it. He'd really gone and done it this time.<p>

Sarah Williams took a deep breath and counted to ten. Blowing up at Gip wouldn't make her feel any better. Why goblins got to have big, brown, puppy dog eyes was beyond her, and something she would have to ask Jareth.

After she was done ripping all of his long, silky, glittery hair out of his royal noggin.

"Gip," she said carefully. "Where is that irritating mass of sparkles you call a monarch?"

The goblin gave her a puzzled look. "Uhhhh…"

Sighing, she pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingertips. "Where's the Goblin King, Gip?"

Amazing, how the little guy's face lit up when you mentioned Jareth. "Ahhhhh! Kingykingy in his…" his little face scrunched up as he tried to remember the word. "Partentent!" he finally exclaimed. "He's in his partentent!"

Correctly deducing that "partentent" meant "apartment," Sarah smiled grimly at Gip. "Thanks, sweetie. You can go now." The goblin scurried away, not wanting to get in Lady Queeny Sarah's way when she was upset.

And she was _upset._

* * *

><p>It occurred somewhat vaguely to Jareth that opening his apartment door to find Sarah on the other side was probably not exactly a good thing, considering that Sarah did not, as a general rule, knock on his apartment door. However, Sarah voluntarily placing herself in proximity to him in any way for any reason was usually an event he personally enjoyed, so he simply waved an irritated gloved hand at the thought and ushered her in.<p>

Sarah gave him a rather strange look, possibly wondering why he was waving his hand in the air by his ear, but quickly recovered her previous state of righteous fury.

"Goblin King-" she started.

"Please, Sarah," he cut her off with a purr. "Don't you think we're a little far into our relationship for titles?"

She gaped at him. "Relationship? News flash, Jareth, we don't _have _a relationship! There is no _us_. There is me, and then there is you, annoying me."

He smirked. She said _Jareth_.

Sarah scowled at him, obviously trying to decide where to start with whatever it was he'd done this time. He waited patiently for her to figure out where she was going with this, mismatched eyes shining a little with pride at her anger. Goblin Queens needed a strong backbone, after all.

His musing was cut off abruptly when Sarah finally began her tirade.

"… And you've been _stalking _me again, I _know _you have. I'm finding glitter _everywhere_ I've been, and my schoolmates keep telling me that they've seen you skulking around the university!"

He held up one finger at that. "Love, your schoolmates don't even know who I am."

She glared at him. "They don't need to know who you are to know that you're a creepy, blond-haired freak who _follows me around all day_!"

Jareth considered that for a moment and then conceded the point. "Fair enough. Please continue."

Of course _that _was a whole new topic. "Fair? What do you know about fair? You wouldn't know fair if it came up and bit you in the rear. You're all 'I've been generous,' and 'what's your basis for comparison,' but what's _yours_, Goblin King? When does _fair_ ever enter the equation and affect _you_?"

His eyes were darkening, just a little. "Sarah."

She ignored him. "You know what? You're… you're just infuriating. I don't think you really have any clue at all, do you?"

"Sarah."

"Sometimes, I just wish-"

"_Sarah!"_

She glanced at him, at his suddenly warning eyes and face, briefly paused to think about it, then said it anyway.

"I wish the goblins would come and take you away. Right now."

For a second, nothing happened, and it was just her and Jareth, in his apartment, staring at each other. Her face was flushed and angry, his was-only for an instant-vaguely horrified, and then it grew cold, proud Goblin King in every way. She stared him down defiantly.

And then a rush of wind blew through the living room and Jareth was gone.

Sarah blinked. "Huh. Well. That was easy."

* * *

><p><em>Approximately twenty-four hours later…<em>

The knocking on the door wasn't entirely unexpected. Who the knocker turned out to be kind of was, but considering the fact that she lived with the unrequited love of his life, Erik turning up now and then was an event she tolerated with grace.

"Hi, Erik. Christine! Your boyfriend's here!"

While the masked man was sputtering over that, blushing and trying not to look pleased, Sarah grinned to herself and went to flop down on the sofa. Christine came in a minute later, blushing as well.

"Sarah, he isn't my boyfriend." She smiled kindly at Erik. "Do come in though."

He smiled back tentatively, then seemed to remember why he was there in the first place. "Ah, yes, actually, I came to see if you two had any idea where my roommate was."

"Jareth?" Christine looked puzzled. "We haven't seen him. At least, _I _haven't…" She glanced at Sarah, a question on her face.

Sarah waved a hand airily-much like a certain king was wont to do, actually-and said, "Oh, don't worry about him, Erik. He's probably just sulking somewhere."

Erik rolled his eyes. "I'm not _worried _about the git. Lord knows he can take care of himself, but the rent's due, and I need him for the other half."

"Oh." Sarah blinked. "Well, I haven't seen him since…" she trailed, off, eyes suddenly widening. Christine watched her swallow, an uneasy feeling creeping over her (although that may have been Erik, reaching for her elbow in case she fainted). "Sarah," she said slowly. "When did you last see Jareth?"

"Yesterday," Sarah replied, a strange look on her face. "He'd pulled another one of his tricks-something about my mother inviting him to dinner as my fiancé-and I went over to your apartment to tell him off."

Well, that wasn't so unusual. Stuff like that happened at least once or twice a week when Jareth was involved. "And?" Erik ventured, cautiously.

She took a deep breath. "I was so angry… and he was just _smirking_… and then he started talking about _fair_ and I…"

"You _what?"_

"I-I wished him away."

Christine blinked. "You-wished away the King of the Goblins… to the goblins?"

"Uh, yeah."

Erik groaned. "No wonder he's off in a snit. Sarah, not that I blame you for wanting to get rid of him sometimes, but do you think in the future you could manage not to upset him on the eve of our apartment bill arriving?"

Sarah glared at him. "Dude, unlike _some _people, _we _do not keep track of our neighbor's mail!"

He had the grace to look sheepish, carefully avoiding Christine's eyes.

The blonde huffed. "Okay, so he isn't here. Erik, just send in your half of the bill and promise that the King's is coming soon. They won't argue if you use his title."

He nodded slowly. "Right. I suppose that might work."

"Oh it will," Sarah said grumpily. "You wouldn't _believe _the stuff that title gets him out of."

"I think I can guess," their friend said dryly. "I do live with him, you know."

She gave him a look of profound sympathy. "I'm sorry."

Erik was just about to answer when the portal opened.

* * *

><p>Sarah stared.<p>

It wasn't unusual, in this building, to turn around and find oneself surrounded by… things that had previously not been there. It wasn't even, considering her own story, so unusual for these things to consistently and constantly be performing some sort of song and dance routine only they knew the lyrics and choreography to.

What _was _rather unusual was for what appeared to be the majority of the population of the Castle Beyond the Goblin City to be performing said routine in her living room, along with Sir Didymus, Ludo, Hoggle, and the fireys.

The firey's were singing, too low for her to make out the words. So far. She knew from experience that once they really got going, a weekend at home with Karen would seem as silent as the grave.

"Hoggle-what on ear-"

"Sarah!"

It was rumbled by Ludo, screeched endearingly by Didymus, and… scowled by Hoggle. What had she done to upset him?

Christine and Erik cowered together behind the couch, attempting to separate themselves from the crush of goblins that all wanted to share with them whatever it was they were celebrating. The smell of goblin ale was stronger than it had been for a while, which was supporting Sarah's celebration theory, but not explaining _what _exactly was being celebrated.

"Hoggle," she said a trifle desperately, shouting to be heard over the din. "What's going on? Is there some sort of goblin ceremony happening?"

His head whipped around from where he'd been arguing with one particularly determined black chicken. "You mean you don't _know_?"

"Should I?"

His horrified face told her that _yes_ in fact, she should know, and most definitely should be doing something about the deplorable fact that she did not.

"Hoggle… where is the Goblin King?"

His eyes narrowed. "Don't you go tryin' to be funny now, Sarah."

"But I don't know what's going on!"

He opened his mouth to reply, but abruptly shut it as it became clear that the goblins had gradually gotten quieter and quieter, until they were simply background noise. Oh, that was still deafening, certainly, but it was a much lower decibel of deafening. And over the quietly deafening roar, she could hear the fireys clearly.

They were singing.

_Hooooooooooo boys!_

_She had thirteen hours to use her powers, to save the Goblin King, Heyeah! _

_But she didn't move, so she couldn't prove that she wanted the Goblin King, oh yeah!_

_Now he's gone and dead, he's dead and gone, a goblin's heart is made of stone!_

_Where once he stood so tall and proud, the Goblin King's a goblin now!_

As the final, awful line was screeched, one of the fireys yanked forward out of the crowd of goblins one in particular, gave the little thing a shove, and screamed in delight as it stumbled forward and fell flat on its face at Sarah's feet.

The goblin's head shot up instantly, and it half rose onto one elbow, neck twisting around to face the orange menaces before swiveling back to Sarah. She stared in horror.

It was tiny, yes, a far cry from the tall, majestic figure she was used to; and it was ugly, beautiful features twisted into a small mockery of themselves, scrunched up like a baby's face. And, as if to add insult to injury, it was dressed in rags, and its gloveless hands were clearly visible. She almost couldn't recognize it.

But she'd know that long blond hair-always before in such disarray, and no different now-anywhere, and as the goblin turned its face toward her fully for the first time, Sarah caught a glimpse of accusing, sorrowful, mismatched blue eyes and felt her stomach drop.

_Jareth._

* * *

><p>Down the hall; across the hall; one floor, two floors, basement level down, the entire apartment building echoed with the force of Sarah's shriek. Mr. Todd looked up from sharpening his blades, and Legolas' head shot up from his meditative position outside the window. James Norrington and Inspector Javert stared at the ceiling uncertainly, wondering if their assistance was required. Mrs. Lovett rather belatedly turned her head to listen to the sound. Aziraphale and Crowley-who were in the middle of their tea- exchanged wide-eyed glances as if to say "We knew it was only a matter of time, but, really, <em>now<em>?"

And in apartment 4B, Erik and Christine whipped their heads back and forth between Sarah and the goblin that used to be Jareth.

The Champion of the Labyrinth wasn't looking too good. "Jareth," she whispered.

The goblin ignored her.

Frowning a little, she knelt beside him and reached out a hand tentatively. "Jareth…"

No response.

Knowing she deserved his rebuff didn't make it sting any less. "Jareth, I'm sorry, I didn't-" She broke off. Nothing she could say could make this better.

The goblin still wasn't looking at her. She huffed a little and finally made contact with the little shoulder. Instantly, large, contrasting eyes swooped to look at her. She sat there for a minute, locked in a staring contest that was a laughable facsimile of so many past with those eyes.

And then the goblin's face screwed up as they do when trying to understand something. "Was you talkin' t' me, Lady?"

Sarah blinked. "Uh, yes?"

His face broke into a grin suddenly. "Silly Lady. Kingy named Jareth. Does you think I look like Kingy?" He was giving her a look she'd often given Toby, one that implied a longsuffering patience with this dunce pupil who just didn't get it.

Sarah blinked again, this time to make sure her eyes were dry. "No," she said softly. "No, I don't."

Satisfied, he beamed at her. She shook her head. "Uh, if your name isn't Jareth, what is it?"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Kingy names de goblins. Kingy not here. Goblin not got named."

"Where is the king?" she asked cautiously. Behind her, she heard Erik and Christine settling onto their knees. The goblin beamed at them all, a child delighting in adult attention. "Kingy someplace not here," he informed her in typical goblin-style matter-of-fact logic. She sighed.

"Hoggle?"

Her friend was right there, looking down at the smiling goblin who used to be his king. "Sarah." His voice was tired, but not angry. Her voice was timid as she asked, "What happened?"

He gave a heavy sigh. "You's wished him away, Sarah. Wished him away to the goblins, with no one to run the Labyrinth for to get him back. Y' see, Sarah, he wasn't able to leave the castle. He couldn't give you the choice to have your dreams or get him back. The thirteen hour window passed, and he became a goblin."

"But he's the Goblin King!"

"The Labyrinth doesn't care! That despicable hedge-maze is _alive, _Sarah. Not like we think of alive, but as magic thinks of alive. It's tied to its master, and its master to it, but rules are rules, and once they're made, the Labyrinth won't change them for anyone. Not even Jareth. He made the rules, the Labyrinth follows them. Thirteen hours after a wish, if no runner has arrived at the Castle Beyond the Goblin City, the wished-away is turned into a goblin. Those are the rules, Sarah. No exceptions."

"But surely, as Master of the Labyrinth, he could change the rules himself!"

"Aye, he could, but he wouldn't."

"But why not?"

"Because it wouldn't be _fair_."

She stopped short, feeling her breath catch in her chest. _Fair_. How she hated that word. She would never have imagined that it would be possible to hate a word so viciously.

But that was before babysitting and wishes, and a tall, beautiful man with wild, star-spun hair and a gloved hand offering her _dreams._

Sarah didn't realize her eyes were filling with tears of frustration until a tiny hand poked into her blurry view and waved one of her socks at her. She looked up.

The-goblin-who-was-not-Jareth smiled at her, not Jareth's smirk, which she was starting to miss, however unlikely that was, but a goblin's smile: hopeful and hesitant and childishly warm. "Hanky?" he offered, shaking the sock at her helpfully.

She managed a smile for him and took the sock. "Thank you." Wiping her eyes, she heaved a deep breath and then stood up. Christine and Erik quickly scrambled to their feet, unsure of what protocol to follow in this situation where one of their friends had been turned into a goblin by another of their friends. Sarah faced them and put her hands on her hips.

"Sarah?" Christine asked.

"Yeah?" her friend said distractedly, lost in thought. The blond tucked a curl behind one ear and exchanged glances with Erik.

"Er, what do we do? I mean," she gestured at the little goblin, who was now clutching Hoggle's leg. "We can't _leave _him like this." The dwarf, exhibiting a larger amount of patience with the clingy little goblin than he ever had with the tempestuous Fae, was calmly disentangling his trousers, and he looked up to hear Sarah's answer too.

She took a deep breath. She was the Champion of the Labyrinth, bogsnappit. She could do this.

"Of course we aren't leaving him like that." She narrowed her eyes. "The Labyrinth's alive is it? Only responds to Master, huh? Well, Master's away right now, and I've got a pair of boots and some four-or more-years of invitations to cash in that say I'm in charge. Fair is fair, is it, Jareth? We'll see about that."

The two French singers glanced warily at each other and then back to Sarah, only to find their friend gone, and a polite orange mountain in her place.

"Sawah gone to Labywinth," Ludo explained. The goblins, the fireys, and the random black chickens all continued their dance, not even noticing that the object of their celebration-the new goblin-had disappeared along with "Kingy's Lady Queeny Sarah" and the grumpy dwarf.

"Oh," Erik said weakly.

"Right," Christine agreed.

* * *

><p>Sarah dropped into existence again in the center of the throne room, flanked by Hoggle and the little goblin-who-was-not-Jareth. Here and there, feathers littered the floor, and the king's throne appeared to have been set upon by vengeful chickens, judging by the claw marks gouging the stone.<p>

She swiveled in place, trying to get the feel for the room, not entirely sure what she planned to do. She'd half been expecting some sort of dramatic voice-from-the-heavens (or the hedges) telling her that it was her slave. It was the kind of thing you came to expect after dealing with Jareth for a while.

"Great, Sarah," she muttered. "Big speech, huge build-up, and now, what? Stand in the middle of the room and glare?" She glared at the throne. Stupid Jareth and his knowingness-hey…

She knelt down next to the little goblin with the fly-away blond hair and said, "Hey, do you know how to talk to the Labyrinth?"

Hoggle gave her a look like she was nuts, but the goblin's face momentarily lit up before settling once again into that expression that seemed to say "inferior human" without even trying. He turned on his little heel and scurried away, somehow managing to convey that she was to follow.

Okay, so apparently the rather annoying trait of cryptic smiles and not answering her questions had transferred to the goblin-Jareth. Nice to know that some things never changed.

She followed him through the castle halls, the Escher room, and some sort of not-exactly-a-circle-but-there-really-was-no-better-shape-to-call-it room. And finally, they ended up…

Huh. How did they get _here_?

She stared down at the Labyrinth from the roof of the castle. Beside her, not-Jareth-goblin beamed at the humongous hedge. She looked down at him.

"Here?"

He nodded. She gave him a doubtful look. "Are you sure?"

He glared at her. She held up her hands placatingly. "Okay, okay, I'm just making sure." Geez. Touchy.

Feeling a little foolish, she closed her eyes and said, hesitantly, "Uh, Labyrinth?"

For a moment nothing happened. Then, like a whisper across her conscious, the Labyrinth responded.

_Sarah. _

"Uh, yeah, that's me."

_Champion._

"Right. Yeah, so-"

_Mistress._

"Uh, riiiight. Here's the thing: I kind of don't actually _want _to be your mistress."

Silence for a second. Then, _Come again?_

She blinked. "I wished Jareth away, and I didn't run for him."

_I know._

"But I didn't mean for that to happen."

_What's said is said._

She growled a little. Like Master like hedge-maze, she guessed. Stupid Jareth.

"Look, I get that there are rules. And I get that you don't care who the wished-away is, but… Jareth didn't deserve to be turned into one of his own subjects! Can't you turn him back?"

_Yes._

A little taken aback, she said, "Er, thank you?"

_I said I could, not that I would._

Sputtering, she yelped, "Hey! Come on, why not?"

_Rules…_

"The rules are dumb! Well, not always, but in this case, they are most definitely very, very dumb. It's not Jareth's fault that I opened my big mouth-again-and wished something I shouldn't have-again. He shouldn't have to pay the price."

_He already has._

"_That's not fair!"_

"Come now, Sarah, not this again."

Okay, weird, she could have sworn that sounded just like…

_Jareth._

Spinning around so fast she nearly fell over, Sarah turned to find the familiar face staring down at her from his proper height once more. "Jareth!" she smiled, stepping forward only to stop in chagrin the next second. Right, he probably didn't want a hug from her right now, and besides, she _didn't like him remember?_

_Yeah, right, _sniggered her inner voice. _That's why you stormed the castle. Again._

_Shut up, _she said curtly, eyeing the Goblin King warily, just in case he decided revenge for her turning him into a goblin was in order. Even if, technically, _she _hadn't been the one to turn him…

"Sarah, not that I am complaining, by any means, but _why _are you staring at me?"

She blinked, meeting his mismatching, smirking blue eyes. "You were a goblin."

He grimaced. "Yes, I know, thank you for reminding me."

She stared some more. "You seem… rather… cheerful, for someone who was a goblin five minutes ago."

He shrugged. "Ah, yes, but I'm not a goblin anymore, so why shouldn't I be cheerful?"

"I wished you away."

"Yes."

"The Labyrinth's rules turned you into a goblin."

"Yes."

"It was my fault."

He seemed to particularly relish the next, "Yes."

She winced. "Why aren't you mad?"

He cocked his head, reminding her of nothing so much as the owl he sometimes was, as he said, "You came."

"Too late."

"And yet here I am, Sarah, safe and Fae." He grinned roguishly at her, sharp teeth gleaming.

"Really?" Her voice was small, and _snappit_, she didn't like him, remember? Why did she care?

He leaned in close. "Want to make sure?" His waggling eyebrows belied the suggestive tone somewhat, though the very serious offer was-as always-still present.

She shook her head. "Never mind. I'm sure."

He smirked again. "Well then." He offered his arm. "Shall we proceed back to the plane of existence in which we are currently residing?"

She sighed, but giggled a little, which surprised her, because Jareth hadn't made her laugh for a while now and she'd almost forgotten why she liked him.

_Didn't like him. She didn't like him. Bogsnappit._

She mock glared at him as she took the proffered arm, trying not to relish the way his eyes lit up. "Don't get any ideas from this," she said sternly. "You're still an insufferable git."

"Ah," he purred. "But I'm an insufferable git worth fighting for."

"I didn't fight for you, I… _argued _for you."

"Same thing."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"You were clinging to Hoggle's leg."

That stopped him short. "Was not."

Smugly, she nodded, not even noticing that they were once again in her living room, the Labyrinth's inhabitants weren't there, and most of the apartment building was. "Oh yeah."

He glared at her, muttering something petulantly under his breath about "extra intimidation tactics in the future."

Smirking, Sarah turned her head, only to find herself facing… everyone.

"Oh!" she squeaked. "Um, I'm back?"

"So we see," Javert said dryly, eyeing the Goblin King dourly. Erik and Christine were sitting side by side on the couch telling a bored looking Legolas and Mr. Todd the horrifying tale of the goblin party. Jamie was nervously watching Mr. T., who managed to unnerve and fill him with murderous rage at the same time, simply by being in the room, for reasons he couldn't quite pin down.

"Sarah! Jareth!" Christine came bouncing up from the couch and into their personal space. "You're not a goblin anymore!" she informed him unnecessarily.

"How kind of you to notice," he said, seriously. She smiled at him, and then at Sarah. The smile became a smirk when she noticed how they were standing. Sarah blushed and pulled her arm away. Jareth pouted.

"What, now we're ashamed of me?"

"Well, Jareth, I'm not sure about _we, _but _I _have certainly spent enough time with you today, and seriously need a shower," she said sweetly, backing away. He grinned.

"Want help?"

She opened her mouth and he smirked. Glaring, she pointed at the door. "Out, Goblin King, before I start wishing again."

He waved a hand through the air by his ear, unconcerned. "You'll just come after me again. Ta, love."

Blinking and without a comeback that would sound even halfway believable, she watched him leave. Erik scurried after him to nag about the rent, and Javert and Jamie beat a hasty retreat from the suddenly keen looking Mr. Todd. Legolas bent briefly over Christine and Sarah's hands and then left. Through the window.

Slowly, Sarah turned back to Christine. Her blond friend opened her mouth. Sarah narrowed her eyes.

"Not a word, Chris. Not. One. Word."

The singer's mouth closed.

* * *

><p>In a forest in the Labyrinth, the fireys were dancing again, singing softly, but gradually growing louder, and louder, until they could be heard in the Castle Beyond the Goblin City.<p>

_Heeeeeeeeeyeaaaaaaah!_

_Took twenty-four hours to find her powers and to save the Goblin King, Heyeah!_

_But she's finally moved, and she's finally proved that she wants the Goblin King, oh yeah!_

_He's back again, back from the dead, the broken heart is on the mend_

_The Labyrinth rules, all thoughts rescind, the goblin is a King again!_

Hoggle groaned and rolled his eyes knowingly at Didymus. "They're never gonna shut up about it now, are they?"

His friend took a dainty sip from his goblet and sighed. "Meh. They'll get bored eventually. Someone will toss a chicken out of a window and then they'll be singing about that instead."

Hoggle grunted. "Did I tell you that Jareth was hanging off me leg?"

Didymus looked at him incredulously. "No…"

The dwarf grinned. "Pour me some of that stuff. See, it was like this…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Rather more serious than I had planned actually. Oh well. **

**I do hope you all enjoy, and that-at least in canon with the fancomic-I have everyone in character. **

**The chicken tossing and the referece to Sarah's inner voice were shout-outs to Lixxle, who is another amazing and hilarious author. She has no idea who I am, and may in fact never read this, but still. **

**Pika, this one's dedicated to you, for your marvelous work in the fandom(s) that keeps us all coming back for more. **


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